This morning Hannah was wearing her sunglasses around the living room, half stomping, half dancing, watching herself in the mirror and periodically declaring, “I’m a rock star, I’m wearing rock star sun glass-es…” as you do.
Then she took her sunglasses off and blew on the lenses. She turned to me and said, “Mom, look! I blow on my glasses just like you!”
I do blow on my glasses. On the days when I wear them all day long dust accumulates on them, and it’s annoying, so I blow them off and put them back on. But I didn’t realize that she had ever noticed this or that it was a “thing that I did.”
I wonder which other random things that I do stand out to her? Also does she just notice them or will she notice them and copy them? Will she always keep Chapstick in her pocket and a glass of water nearby? Will she always file her nails when she watches TV or keep her little finger raised whenever she picks up a hot drink? What is this little person taking in, who is such an odd mixture of being my mirror and my opposite at the same time?
My time home alone with Hannah is winding down. I’ve been looking and visiting nurseries and I have not found a perfect solution. It appears at the moment that no matter where we go we will have to make a compromise and I really don’t want to. I don’t want to trade the things that I want for a place that’s “good enough.” I’m still sorting through it all.
The thing is, she doesn’t have to go to nursery next year. It is not required by the government and I don’t need her to be under someone else’s care so that I can work. But she’s ready for something.
We were at music the other day and my friend said, “Boy she is so ready for school isn’t she?!
I watched her. She was charging around the room like she has been for months now at things like that. She doesn’t stay on my lap for a second, just the occasional glance or smile at me for reassurance while she does her thing. She loves to be in the middle, she’s quite the performer, and she is always eager to be told by the teacher what to do next and to move onto the next part of a routine. And she is independent. Often when I take her to a children’s center she just charges around while I slowly follow her.
She also loves the types of activities and interaction that she would get in a classroom setting. She wants to paint every day anyway. She wants to do stickers and play dough and coloring and cutting and cooking every single day. If we’re at a park she is always chasing after the other kids, even when they don’t realize it and often when they’re bigger, yelling “I’m gonna catch you!” while she giggles. She is ready in so many ways.
Last week as we were walking away from a nursery visit she asked me to carry her, and as I walked she said, “Mom, can we go home and we rock in the brown chair and you hold me and we watch Peppa?” This is the first thing that we normally do after we’ve dropped Jayce off at school, and I smiled to myself that she probably just wanted to get back into “our” routine. But then she immediately said, “Mom, I love my new friends! Bye friends!!” and she waved at the building that we were walking away from.
I imagine that the only thing that I can do is continue to search for a place that feels right, because that is the only way that I will be less miserable about leaving her when the time comes.
I’ll do my best for these last few months to make sure that my time with her is as purposeful as it can be within the boundaries of my sanity. Because some days it appears that she is as smitten with me as I am with her. Why else would you copy someone blowing on their glasses?